Humour

A relative mass mailed this. At this point in time, this just seems darn funny. Maybe it's not a hormonal thing. Maybe it's just me.

"Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.

AMEN"

Also, by way of update, my obstetrician said to me during our usual 3 minute meet-up, "Ah! You're right on target! All's great! You're 32 weeks pregnant and you measure 32 cms from here to here (gesturing from under my breast-bone to just above my pubic bone)!!".

He then flashed me this satisfied smile. I brought my husband this time - as witness. I ain't kiddin', dear, I tell him everytime - he's supposed to be my obstetrician! He just uses this measuring tape I swear! What saved me from laughing out loud this and every other time was pure and simple suffocation. I can't lie on my back anymore - the weight of this 32 cm thing in my belly region somehow compresses my chest cavity so much - it's really just a vacuum. Sucks the breath outta me.

He also instructed me to do a tour of the hospital like NOW before I go into labour. One of those 'must do' stuff, he said. To orientate myself before I get disoriented with pain. Ha ha.

Oh, and don't call me and don't come to hospital till your contractions are 3 minutes apart, he said. And EVEN IF your water breaks, don't call me, just go straight to hospital and the nurses will know what to do. Really, you don't say. Thank God for that brief moment of asphyxiation.... else my manners woulda shown themselves, surely.

Honestly. The second I realise I'm in labour - I'm gonna get my ass in that hospital bed (kick someone else out if you're short-bedded, I don't care) and I'm gonna holler and howl till the epidural's administered. No 2 ways about it, Hosea. Who do they really think they're dealing with? Good grief.